Warwick crumpled the letter in his hand and dropped it onto the floor, grinding it into the stone with his heel. He cursed the Duke of Somerset and his perceptiveness! Then he went to see his father, who had briefly been chancellor of England but wasn’t anymore.
“We have to go to war!” he said to his father.
The earl of Salisbury looked at him and grunted, as was his taciturn way. It was his way of asking a very complex question, like: Why?
“Somerset is ruining England, that’s why!” Warwick cried.
Salisbury nodded and went to see the Duke of York.
“War,” he said curtly.
“I see your point,” the Duke of York said, thinking very hard about what the Earl of Salisbury had just said. “All right. We will.”
And so that’s how they found themselves at St Albans ready to wage war with the king, who was also there but he didn’t know about the war yet.
Warwick smiled. That would teach the Duke of Somerset to try and blackmail him by writing him a letter saying that he knew his secret and he’d say nothing so long as the Earl of Warwick paid him a lot of money.
The battle started and Warwick looked everywhere for the Duke of Somerset. He found him hiding in a pub.
“Why are you hiding in a pub, you scurvy cowardly dog?” Warwick said, practicing the words he was going to have to use when he was a pirate and Captain of Calais.
“Because if I go to near a castle I will die, fool!” Somerset said. “Everyone knows that! Besides,” he stood up. “I know your secret.”
“Then my secret dies with you, landlubber!” Warwick snarled and thrust his sword into the Duke of Somerset’s neck and he died.
“You didn’t know that this pub was called the Castle, did you?” Warwick laughed as his mortal enemy’s blood left him in a pool on the floor. “You didn’t look up and see the sign. Who’s the fool now?”
The king was very sorry that the Duke of Somerset was dead but he made Warwick Captain of Calais anyway and Warwick went to Calais to be the Captain. He took his wife, the Countess of Warwick and his two daughters, which he’d had another one by getting very drunk one night and pretending his wife was Margaret of Anjou, queen of England and the woman he really loved, and Anne, his wife, who was Countess of Warwick didn’t notice but thought maybe her husband might be starting to love her and she called the baby Anne as well, which might get confusing.