Archive for July 10, 2010

Dear Mediaeval Penthouse,

I’ve never written to you before but a recent adventure with my husband has made me think you’ll find this letter interesting.

He was in the army and was working a long way from home and I missed him very much. He wrote me lots of letters telling me how much he missed me and I was getting very, you know, itchy. You know what I mean. So I decided to surprise him.

A band of travelling sexy dancers came to our town and I thought this was the perfect opportunity. The women were really beautiful and sexy and I secretly envied them because they’d – you know – gone to bed with more than just their husbands. I asked them to teach me how to act like a complete… woman of easy virtue so that I could surprise my husband. Anyway, they showed me some tricks, some sexy moves and I thought, “He’s going to get quite a surprise!”

I was real nervous when we showed up at his camp and I went to his tent with the travelling sexy dancers and we put on quite a show. The tent was full of very excited men and they kept grabbing the other girls and dragging them outside. (I don’t think the girls minded) and I was very lucky that, despite the fact that I’m stunningly beautiful and very sexy, none of them grabbed hold of me! I was real nervous, like I said, but my husband just couldn’t keep his eyes off me. Then I winked at him and showed him my secret birthmark so he’d know who I was and he got really angry and called me a harlot and told me that he was going to divorce me for being a loose woman in an army camp.

I ran away as fast as I could because I was really frightened. I persuaded the travelling sexy dancers man to take me back home and I hid in a closet for three days. When my husband came home he was still really angry and he locked me up in a tower and I’m still there, hoping that one day he’ll forgive me, or at the very least bring me some dinner. He hasn’t yet.

Sexy Siren from Seaton Delaval