The Daisy and the Bear: Chapter 13 – Dear Mediaeval Penthouse

Posted: July 10, 2010 in The Daisy and the Bear

Dear Mediaeval Penthouse,

I’ve never written to you before but a recent adventure with my husband has made me think you’ll find this letter interesting.

He was in the army and was working a long way from home and I missed him very much. He wrote me lots of letters telling me how much he missed me and I was getting very, you know, itchy. You know what I mean. So I decided to surprise him.

A band of travelling sexy dancers came to our town and I thought this was the perfect opportunity. The women were really beautiful and sexy and I secretly envied them because they’d – you know – gone to bed with more than just their husbands. I asked them to teach me how to act like a complete… woman of easy virtue so that I could surprise my husband. Anyway, they showed me some tricks, some sexy moves and I thought, “He’s going to get quite a surprise!”

I was real nervous when we showed up at his camp and I went to his tent with the travelling sexy dancers and we put on quite a show. The tent was full of very excited men and they kept grabbing the other girls and dragging them outside. (I don’t think the girls minded) and I was very lucky that, despite the fact that I’m stunningly beautiful and very sexy, none of them grabbed hold of me! I was real nervous, like I said, but my husband just couldn’t keep his eyes off me. Then I winked at him and showed him my secret birthmark so he’d know who I was and he got really angry and called me a harlot and told me that he was going to divorce me for being a loose woman in an army camp.

I ran away as fast as I could because I was really frightened. I persuaded the travelling sexy dancers man to take me back home and I hid in a closet for three days. When my husband came home he was still really angry and he locked me up in a tower and I’m still there, hoping that one day he’ll forgive me, or at the very least bring me some dinner. He hasn’t yet.

Sexy Siren from Seaton Delaval

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Comments
  1. Kate says:

    Poor poor lady, all you wanted was to please your man but like most husbands he obviously has the “wife needs to be a lady in public and a whore in the sack” mentallity! Need someone to jail break you out?

  2. anevillfeast says:

    Kate, next time you’re here I’ll show you where I got the inspiration for this! And don’t worry too much about Isobel, I’m sure everything will be just fine.

  3. I think you need to remind him that the queen’s lover who also has a thing for you (and who really LOVES war) would be more than happy to take you off his hands if he doesn’t stop sulking soon. That should do the trick.

  4. anevillfeast says:

    I think you might have forgotten who the queen’s lover is, Susan, but I know who you mean. I’ll keep it in mind!

  5. Devaki Khanna says:

    This keeps getting better and better. The last post sounded very Raymond Chandler/Dashiell Hammett. This is even better. Why not a War of the Roses spoof (The Daisy and the Bear) as well as Nevill?

  6. anevillfeast says:

    Thank, Devaki. I’ll have to give that some thought! (I would assume I’d have to go the POD route – no-one reputable publisher in their right mind would touch this with a bargepole!)

  7. Devaki Khanna says:

    Why not? You don’t think the Earl of Warwick would rise out of his grave to sue you for libel?

  8. anevillfeast says:

    😦 What a horrible thought! No, I’m thinking of the very limited market.

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