The White Queen, episode 4

Posted: July 8, 2013 in Uncategorised

Elizabeth: I’m a witch! I do bad things!
Isobel: It’s all Daddy’s fault!
George: I’m not going to be king?
Warwick: No, but I can still make you rich.
George: I’m changing sides again.
Anne: Izzie! I’m a pawn, too!
Warwick: Anne, sit down. When I was six, right before I married your mother, my father said I could choose any girl in England to be my bride. Now she, of course, had no say in it but I, a six year old boy, was free do make my own decisions.
Anne: What are you saying, Daddy?
Warwick: See, now, that was what we call sarcasm, poppet. It’s a crying shame that this version of you is such a clueless bint!
Anne: Yes, Daddy. Daddy, why can’t I marry for love?
Warwick: *sigh* Because you’re a pawn.
Anne: Oh.
Herbert: Here I am, all curly hair and swirly cloak, come to take back my castle.
Margaret Beauofrt: You’ve been dead for two years!
Herbert: Silence, woman! I’ll die later, I promise.
Anne: The Bad Queen’s coming!
Margaret of Anjou: Kneel!
Warwick: I am kneeling.
Margaret of Anjou: Kneel some more!
Elizabeth Mother, let’s go do some witchy stuff.
Cecily: Backstory, backstory, backstory.
Jaquetta: Backstory. Backstory.
Cecily: My backstory’s more tragic than yours.
Jaquetta: Foreshadow, foreshadow. Backstory, infodump.
Lady Sutcliffe: Isobel, you’re a limping gazelle.
Isobel: Yes, I am.
Margaret Beaufort: Henry, have I mentioned you’re going to be king one day?
Elizabeth: Mother’s been arrested for being a witch!
Jaquetta: It’s a fair cop.
Elizabeth: Warwick’s coming! I’ll just nip down the street to sanctuary.
Anne: I’m marrying a goth. I’d rather be marrying a hobbit.
Edward Prince of Wales: A psychopathic goth! Now, just lie still and get ready for bad Lancastrian sex.
Henry Tudor: I get it now, Mother! One day, I’m going to be king.
Henry VI: Am I still Jesus?
Warwick: You’re king again. See the pretty cardboard crown?
Elizabeth: The baby’s coming.
Jaquetta: It’s a boy!

  1. Jules says:

    Whilst I find my self glued to the tv watching The White Queen , I know it’s a load of clap trap !! But what It does give me is the mindset to research the people they are supposedly portraying ! I I didn’t know much about the yorks and have read a lot now , so I can thank this clap trap for that !

  2. anevillfeast says:

    Oh, I totally agree, Jules! If it gets people interested and looking for more, then that’s great. There’s just a bunch of bitterly disappointed folks who’ve waited a long time for their favourite time in history to make it to the small screen. Something, well… better would have been great!

  3. Esther says:

    Thank you for the episode summaries. (With Gregory’s emphasis on witchcraft, I will be disappointed if it turns out that the princes weren’t apparated to Hogwarts)

    • anevillfeast says:

      Thanks, Esther. I suspect Margaret Beaufort is being groomed for their murder. There’s a blog post in that, somewhere.

      • Esther says:

        I wouldn’t be surprised if your suspicions prove correct. There is no evidence against her, and Gregory routinely makes accusations without support (no evidence that Elizabeth had Amy Robsart killed, as Gregory says in “The Virgin’s Lover”; unless you take a poem for evidence, there is no evidence that Anne Boleyn was guilty, as accused in “The Other Boleyn Girl”)

  4. Terry M says:

    Your episode summaries are priceless! You have me howling. Not sure if I will venture into watching them once they arrive in the US.

  5. sonetka says:

    I enjoyed Herbert’s not-quite-posthumous appearance. I just read the novel and enjoyed it as a piece of fluff — I can’t imagine anyone taking it seriously, but I’ve been wrong about such things before …

    • anevillfeast says:

      Hi Sonetka! I think people take this kind of thing seriously partly because the author is pitching is as ‘accurate’ and partly because they trust authors of historical fiction to be telling them some kind of ‘real’ story. Judging by the search terms that have hit the Feast, there’s a bunch of people looking stuff up – which is brilliant!

      • sonetka says:

        Oh, I know a lot of people take historical fiction seriously — the number of hits I get for “George Boleyn rape” confirm that — but you’d think that once you start getting into witchcraft and drawing magical rings out of the river it would be clear that some artistic license was employed :).

  6. Alice says:

    This is pretty funny – although I do love The White Queen!

  7. Edward Tudor says:

    you have to treat the White Queen as a game of spot the historical error. there are so many of them. When you get to 20 errors in a show you win a cup of tea, if you make it yourself.

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