Archive for July 22, 2013

Edward: See my shiny cardboard crown!
Anne: Yes, I was married to the Prince of Wales. But I didn’t like him.
Edward: That’s all right, then.
Elizabeth: I still hate you!
Isobel: I’m going to be a bitch, now. I’m over the limping gazelle thing.
Anne: Where’s Mummy?
Isobel: Forget Mummy!
Clarence: Look at me, pretending to be nice.
Isobel: Bitch fight!
Margaret Beaufort: Give me a sign.
Messenger: Your mother’s dying.
Margaret Beaufort: *high fives God* Yesss!
Elizabeth: Jane Shore! The name of doom! She’s going to make everything go in slow motion, just you watch.
Margaret Beaufort: Dear Jasper, do you still want me?
Anne: I want Mummy!
Jaquetta: I’m dying. You’ll be senior witch soon, Elizabeth. Can you handle it?
Anne: Can I have my healing shag, now?
Gloucester: Soon, I promise.
Anne: George wants to keep my stuff!
Gloucester: I want your stuff as well, but I can pretend not to, if you like.
Jasper: Dear Margaret, no, I don’t want you.
Margaret Beaufort: Bloody buggery! I’ll marry Frodo instead. What will you tell him, Sir Reginald?
Sir Reg: Well, probably not that you’re demented.
Anne: Flatter, crawl, schmooze, flatter.
Isobel: Respond, reward, bask, respond.
Anthony Wydeville: I can feel some foreshadowing coming on. Something to do with your son, Liz. I’m going to make a rash promise I’m sure I’ll live to regret.
Elizabeth: But not for long.
Anne: Healing shag?
Gloucester: Patience!
Anne: I don’t need you, anyway!
Clarence: Get thee to a nunnery!
Sir Reg: How about Stanley, Lady Wrong Title? No, bear with me, I’ve got some foreshadowing that might help you decide.
Margaret Beaufort: Ok, sounds good.
Clarence: Jane Shore!
Anne: Richard, help me!
Gloucester: Run away!
Anne: Aren’t we going to do the cookshop thing, then?
Gloucester: They decided it was too farfetched.
Anne: *facepalm*
Gloucester: Will you marry me?
Anne: You just want my stuff!
Gloucester: But I’m also going to pretend to love you. Can’t say fairer than that.
Anne: Are we getting any closer to that healing shag?
Gloucester: How about a snog for starters?
Magaret Beaufort: Let’s get married.
Stanley: Ok.
Margaret Beaufort: Not going to sleep with you but.
Stanley: Oh, that’s a relief! But you’ll have to be nice to the Queen.
Woman: The Queen might die!
Elizabeth: I’m ok, actually. Sorry about all the screaming.
Anne: Healing shag time! Yay!
Isobel: Why am I the only one who doesn’t get to have sex?
Margaret: I’m not, either.
Stanley: Nor me. Despite how alluring my new bride is in her nightie.
Anne: Mummy’s a coldhearted bitch!
Isobel: I love you!
Anne: I love you, too!
Elizabeth: Jane Shore!
Edward: She means nothing!  You’re the only one that matters. And when I professed my undying love for you and only you back in episode 1, you knew I didn’t mean it.
Margaret Beaufort: I think I’m being set up to murder the Princes.